I have to be completely honest here. I have had no desire to write lately because I have felt so overwhelmed by life in general that I have totally placed my health on the back burner to focus on other things. I debated on whether or not I would even continue this blog because I feel like it is the same old thing: Amanda hops back on wagon. Amanda stays on wagon until life gets crazy. Amanda falls off wagon. Amanda eats wagon. Amanda has to talk herself into building a new wagon. And the cycle continues.
I am so tired of the wagon, and honestly, I am so tired by so many other things that the wagons get harder and harder to build and climb back on. I have destroyed my wagon so many times at this point I should probably hold a funeral for it. “Here lies the broken remains of Amanda’s wagon. She never really had a knack for hanging on, so it rode a few miles without a driver, and here we are…staring at a bunch of half-eaten pieces of hopes and dreams.”
I would tell you how much I weigh, but I honestly don’t know because my very pricey, fancy scale decided to kick the bucket (along with the hot water heater and the A/C unit in my house).
And that, in one sentence, kinda sums up where I am at right now. Haha. A tired, beginning-of-the-school-year teacher with no working scale, no time or energy to cook dinner in the evenings, no hot water to wash away my stress tears, and an AC unit that freezes up any time you want it lower than 74 degrees (and let’s be real…it’s hot and humid Louisiana…74 won’t do).
I am not running (it’s Louisiana summer, guys). And I have only been to the gym once since school started.
I am not doing well in any of the areas that would make me a person to want to read from for advice in the health an fitness world, so why am I here? What am I doing with this?
As I sat here wondering if I should continue this writing journey, I read through a few of my former posts. I noticed that every time I have fallen down on my weight loss journey, it was usually due to coping with stress through eating. I also noticed that the former things that were stressing me in those moments, and things that God has provided answers and provision for in the past. Every. Time. So, if I know that God will help me make it through my stressful situations and will provide an answer in his timing, why do I self-sabotage in the meantime?
It’s funny to me that I really beat myself up over my weakness in this particular area of my life, because I know that God wants to help me grow here. He wants me to turn to him every single time so I can show the world that it’s Him who picks me up. We all know that my natural tendency is to medicate with food, but here is where God steps in to help make me strong. I am a slow learner in this department, but I am determined to learn and not quit.
Steven Furtick says it like this in his book, (Un)qualified, “Your humility opens the door for your weaknesses to become strengths.”
So here I sit eating a big ol’ slice of humble pie (I wish it were actual pie). I am in the process of re-building my wagon once again. I’m sure I will fall off again soon, because apparently I suck at hanging on, but I know that if/when I do, that God will be there. He’ll help me brush off my pants (or leggings, cause that’s where we’re at folks), and climb on that wagon again. Maybe next time I’ll just slightly slip off so I don’t have to eat it and rebuild. Here’s to growth…not perfection.
Your Friend in the Fight Against Fat,